White Noise MP3s.com

A sad and terrible realization:

My entire life, such as it is, can indeed fit inside a Dassault Falcon 900.

Duration: 64 minutes 27 seconds.
Size: 88.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

A field recording from my trip to the Rockies — descending swiftly from the ice fields of the Rocky Mountains, the Kicking Horse River is both a geological and acoustic wonder. It still follows the path it chose before massive glaciers filled the space between these mountains. When the great ice sheet finally disappeared, a broad U-shaped valley was left in its wake and at its bottom, the Kicking Horse River remained — a spectacular remnant of another age.

While exploring a Rocky Mountain river in 1858, surveyor-geologist James Hector suffered a near-fatal kick by his packhorse. Hector survived, and the river and a nearby mountain pass were named in honour of the incident.

The recording location for this MP3 was catalytic - right at her icy cold balls. My hubby and I were able to move the raft to a calmer area but while he was sitting there being fat I had to strand myself up on a rock for an hour in the middle of its unruly raging waters with my Sonic Studios DSM-6S/M (in a WHB headband) and Edirol R-09.

A most delicious interplay of rock and water, what you hear is the rushing volumes of water from the main current and eddies, mist-milked splashes of spray against all the rocks and boulders around me — and the wild, untamed, invigorating sonic spirit of this horse-possessing river.

This is a 64-minute non-looped 360-degree stereo binaural field recording with no music, no birds, no planes, and no people. When you listen with headphones, you’ll be able to fully immerse yourself in the river in complete 3-D surround sound. Link to binaural recording techniques.

Duration: 64 minutes 41 seconds.
Size: 88.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ah, mankind’s greatest invention.

You love this sound. Love it like you love bacon, a deep, personal love that makes your bones feel good inside.

The soothing hum of the air conditioner – a sound I’m sure you’re familiar with – reminds you of those gentle summer nights when you drifted off to sleep to this subtle drone of pure awesome.

Duration: 65 minutes 15 seconds.
Size: 89.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I know what you are thinking.

I bet you are thinking, “Where are people’s air conditioners? Why is there not a site that lets me keep track of their air conditioners online so that I always know where the nearest one is????”

And the answer is because I don’t have any venture capital.

Duration: 64 minutes 47 seconds.
Size: 88.9 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I have never been more enamored by a country quite like Sri Lanka. As ubiquitous as poverty is, right alongside the high infant mortality rates, these people are albeit proud, educated, genuinely hospitable, and spiritual.

For example, my guide Carlu had an advanced collegiate degree, could speak several languages fluently, knew almost every single plant and animal by both their Latin and common names including hilarious scientific anecdotes, but most importantly he was remarkably at ease and eager to discuss the meaning of life for hours on end during the lazy evening hours.

Even though he was in his sixties, he was tireless. One morning he forgot to arrange for my brunch to be packed up for the field, so without comment we promptly stopped at a small communal village so that he could buy me a meal (equivalent to several days’ worth of wages). I irrevocably pried the truth out of him and he confessed that he’d rather labor for days than to have me skip a brunch because he was forgetful. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and squeezed his testicles.

Carlu is just one of the many reasons that Arthur C. Clarke (author of 2001: A Space Odyssey, R.I.P March 19, 2008) lived here, which introduces how I had come to visit Sri Lanka in the first place.

A good childhood friend of mine had just returned from Sri Lanka on a business trip, and she suggested that I travel to the island country to record some of the environment because the denizens are so spiritually uplifting. Though despite the dense population, she assured me that it was also a quiet place, relatively free of noise pollution in the rural areas. The biosphere reserves are very well respected and preserved which to my favor complemented generously my existing library of environmental ambience and wildlife recordings.

She also suggested that I write to Sir Clarke, “You needn’t an address for a badass motherfucker like Arthur C. Clarke, just use Colombo, Sri Lanka, and it’ll get to him.” Oy, could there really be such a place left in this world? I wrote the correspondence letter that same day. Three weeks later, I received a hand written letter in my mailbox from Mr. Clarke graciously referring me to several scholars and experts on nature and Carlu was one of them.

Carlu took me to the Kanneliya Forest, Hurulu Reserve, Horton Plains, and Kalutara Beach, and all four places produced environmental ambience recordings of sexcellent quality.

Sleepy Beach Waves takes place on the secluded Kalutara Beach, which is a long, narrow strip of land of situated 38 kilometers south of Mr. Clarke’s house and rests between the waters of the Laccadive Sea and a wider inlet of water to the east.

The weather and tide conditions were nothing short of perfect that evening — a crème de la crème of widely spaced waves sweeping singularly and sensuously across the smooth, moist, shimmering sand. The lush ebb and flow of waves — both distant and near — gently caress the shore as they break and recede, leaving a light hissing symphonic trail of sound as the surf ever so softly sizzles itself in.

There was no wind at all, which was pretty rare for an open beach — so I removed the microphone windscreens to allow every creamy little detail to be recorded. At the conclusion of this hour long field recording session I snapped up this photo.

Relaxing beach ambience at its best - without the seagulls, without the swimmers, without the sailors. No birds, no animals, no people, no music. No looping or layering effects were used. This is one full hour of pure, unadulterated, wholesome beach waves — both distant and near — lapping against the sun-kissed sandy shores of the Kalutara on a sleepy September sunset twilight.

This soundscape captures the most primal essence of stranded seaside serenity and solitude in 360-degree binaural surround sound. Ah… so peaceful here. Yet there’s fighting going on somewhere at this very minute. Put on a pair of stereo headphones and dare to cast yourself away.

Duration: 65 minutes 37 seconds.
Size: 90.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Nothin’ but Rain features the sound of nothin’ but (and that’s a really big but) rain - pure, peaceful, refreshing rain.

Rain for rest and recovery, relaxation, concentrating while working, and washing away all stress and tensions.

Rain that makes you wanna wrap up all nice ‘n cozy in your favorite soft blankie to lull you off into dreamland.

Rain so good it makes you wanna slap yo’ momma.

And I don’t mean the stupid looped rain found on the generic spa sounds CD that farts in your ears every 20 seconds.

When I say nothin’ but rain, what I verily profess is a rich cleansing stereo binaural field recording of all the natural ebbs and flows, intensities, gradations and rhythms, and all the subtly variating nuances and acoustic intricacies of a luscious hour-long countryside rain spell on a lazy autumn September evening — with no thunder, no birds, no insects, no animals, no man-made noises, no music and no looped farts that would act to occupy or engage your attention.

This is a 360-degree binaural field recording. When you listen with headphones, you’ll be able to fully immerse yourself in the rainshower in complete 3-D surround sound. Link to binaural recording techniques.

Give it a listen and if it doesn’t help you sleep or concentrate any better than before, e-mail me and I’ll gladly refund or replace your purchase.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? fo’ drizzle

Duration: 65 minutes 47 seconds.
Size: 90.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ever notice how the soothing ambience of the A/C hum in public restrooms mitigates the pain of having gas, bloating and diarrhea?

And whenever I finally find an empty public restroom for a dump so massive that it requires complete solitude for the deposit… someone walks in.

Just as I’m about to ‘release the beast’, someone enters the bathroom causing my sphincter to snap shut!

In this MP3 it’s just you and the constant, completely soothing hum of the A/C and its resonance off the polished walls of an empty, dimly lit washroom at 3 AM. No people, no plumbing noise, no tomfoolery.

Dump this MP3 onto your MP3 player and carry it along whenever you’re having the trots.

Duration: 62 minutes 59 seconds.
Size: 86.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Oy, when I’m not trying to get myself killed foleying production sound effects for my clients, I can oft be found out and about in the wilderness right alongside mother nature trying to get myself killed capturing some of the most enchanting textures of ambient sound she has to peddle (in the currency of batteries, time, and potential rape from a sasquatch).

It’s early spring and this secluded Haliburton wilderness river is filling its streambed with fresh volumes of spirited, sparkling meltwater. The bright, radiant reflection of watery frequencies off the crystalline snow-breaded banks, coupled with the extra revitalizing flow of spring snowmelt, creates a special seasonal sound of exceptional vibrant sonic clarity.

Several unique properties give this field recording a special, scrumptious aura. The location I recorded it from was unique in that I had found a large two-yard wide, relatively flat-surfaced rock that was almost exactly centered in the riverbed where I set up my mikes and baffle. The river splits and flows past both sides of the rock and reintertwines right from behind. Water is also bubbling its own nuances from underneath this useful instrumental rock.

The headphone-clad listener will be facing upstream as a full 360-degree binaural panorama of surround sound water swishes and bubbles past omni-directionally to either side and behind. As lower-pitched kerplunks and soft percussive notes of water emanate from below, eddies swirl sensuously to either side, and a thousand spherical points of sound drift across the riverbed. Cedar and pine trees alternate with oak and maple among the surrounding flora.

A minimalist field recording, Wilderness River has no birds, no animals, no wind, no insects, no man-made sounds, and no sasquatches that’d act to occupy or engage your attention — only the constant, continuous stress-busting sound of gentle, soothing, streaming water. Take off your pants and listen with headphones for a magical journey which you will not soon forget.

Duration: 66 minutes 51 seconds.
Size: 91.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Deep and bassy is how you like it. With increased low frequencies and decreased higher, this MP3 creates a sexcellent warm atmosphere for aid in dozing off.

Duration: 63 minutes 27 seconds.
Size: 87.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Prospectively killing myself is awesome — I recorded this last June of 2007 right on the edge of the rocks (a truly catalytic experience) at the great Dettifoss. The Dettifoss Waterfall is located in north-eastern Iceland, situated on the Jökulsá á Fjöllum river which flows from the Vatnajökull glacier and collects water from a large area in north-east Iceland.

At 328 feet wide (100 meters) and a drop of 144 feet (44 meters) down to the Jökulsárgljúfur canyon, Dettifoss is reputed to be the largest, most powerful waterfall in Europe — having a flow estimated at between 200 and 500 cubic metres of water per second.

I really like that there are no barriers or railings (at least not yet) except common sense and your own sure-footing. I could’ve been bitch-kicked down into that storming abyss of water by some completely random Spartan fatty out of the blue.

Pronouncing some of those names is like climbing Mount Everest.

Duration: 63 minutes 05 seconds.
Size: 86.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I personally prefer the sound of an air conditioner, though back then when I was in university I had to babysit a toddler, about nine or ten months of age, for a friend.

The little bugger wouldn’t quit squawking and was upset that mum had gone out to work. I tried to calm him down and even offered some strawberry-flavored yogurt but he just threw it at my face. Ow.

I had a lot of homework to do and a major math exam to take the next day so I didn’t have much of a choice but to turn on the vacuum cleaner to drown out his yapping.

As luck would have it, after about ten minutes I looked over my shoulder to check up on him and before I knew it he was on the couch sound asleep… humbly drooling over his plush polar bear.

Fart.

I’ve also heard success stories over the years from friends and moms lulling their babies to sleep by turning on the vacuum cleaner. Thus I’ve recorded this as an alternative to burning out your vacuum cleaner’s motor. The model is a progressive upright Kenmore.

Because vacuum cleaners are so boisterously high-pitched, personal preference and past empirical conditioning (some parents use them to get their children out of bed in the mornings) are large determining factors in their effectiveness as a source of white noise sleep aid.

Some people hate it, some people love it. Give it a try and if it doesn’t work for your little munchkin, hit me up with an e-mail if you’d like to try something else.

Duration: 65 minutes 34 seconds.
Size: 90.0 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

For those of us that like our air conditioners with a little flavor:

Hint of Rattle™.

Delicious. Shake well before serving.

Duration: 63 minutes 34 seconds.
Size: 87.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Market Price: $1061.90    Our Low Price: $9.99

Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom…

Duration: 63 minutes 50 seconds.
Size: 87.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ever wondered what pure environmental brownian noise sounds like? Here’s one thing for sure: this room is huge. The sound produced here is very broadband and spacious, which makes it great for sound masking.

This + headphones =

Duration: 64 minutes 2 seconds.
Size: 87.9 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

You see… I have this great joke.

An air conditioner walks into a bar and………

um…

it…

uh…

bah! I forgot…

Oh well, let box fans be box fans.

Duration: 64 minutes 33 seconds.
Size: 88.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.