White Noise MP3s.com

A sad and terrible realization:

My entire life, such as it is, can indeed fit inside a Dassault Falcon 900.

Duration: 64 minutes 27 seconds.
Size: 88.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

It was one of those mornings where the mist and wisps of the fog had twisted and risen in the valleys, lingering like the last river spirits of the night, reluctant to admit that dawn has already broken.

‘Twas in this befoggled morning dawn during a rainstorm that I recorded this, right on the bank of the Deerfield River with my trusty pair of DPA 4060-BM omnidirectional condensor microphones mounted onto my GUY HRTF baffle. My Sound Devices 722 and Lunatec V2 mic preamp were both safe and sound in my watertight Pelican 1500 case but while they were sitting there being fat my 4060s had to take all the beating.

Constant plummeting rain falls throughout the river, forming a high exuberant counterpoint to the lower bass and sub-bass of delicate rolling thunder rumbling across the tops of clouds above the listener. The thunder has a low soothing growl rather than startling claps or crashes or booms, so any progress you make towards sleep or being one with the universe will not abruptly discombobulate. Subtle, sparsely scattered bird calls can be heard in the distance.

The sexy streaming flow of water from the river has a more engaging, relaxing, random variation of natural white noise when compared to electronically processed white noise or white noise software. The duality of both low and high frequencies facilitates listening as our ears tend to crave for one or the other after prolonged singular exposure to either for an extended period of time.

A tirelessly shifting array of liquid awesome — this is the only MP3 that takes you right to the balls of the storm without getting your ass fried by lightning. This is a 360-degree quasi-binaural field recording so when you listen with headphones, you’ll be able to fully immerse yourself in the rainstorm in complete 3-D surround sound. Here’s a link to my binaural recording techniques.

No music, no voices, no planes, no synthesizers, no bilk. No layering or looping effects were used in any way to enhance the storm.

The full 63:57 MP3 has no fade-in or fade-out at the beginning or end, so it can seamlessly be played looped without any distraction or sudden change of tempo.

Duration: 63 minutes 57 seconds.
Size: 87.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

A field recording from my trip to the Rockies — descending swiftly from the ice fields of the Rocky Mountains, the Kicking Horse River is both a geological and acoustic wonder. It still follows the path it chose before massive glaciers filled the space between these mountains. When the great ice sheet finally disappeared, a broad U-shaped valley was left in its wake and at its bottom, the Kicking Horse River remained — a spectacular remnant of another age.

While exploring a Rocky Mountain river in 1858, surveyor-geologist James Hector suffered a near-fatal kick by his packhorse. Hector survived, and the river and a nearby mountain pass were named in honour of the incident.

The recording location for this MP3 was catalytic - right at her icy cold balls. My hubby and I were able to move the raft to a calmer area but while he was sitting there being fat I had to strand myself up on a rock for an hour in the middle of its unruly raging waters with my Sonic Studios DSM-6S/M (in a WHB headband) and Edirol R-09.

A most delicious interplay of rock and water, what you hear is the rushing volumes of water from the main current and eddies, mist-milked splashes of spray against all the rocks and boulders around me — and the wild, untamed, invigorating sonic spirit of this horse-possessing river.

This is a 64-minute non-looped 360-degree stereo binaural field recording with no music, no birds, no planes, and no people. When you listen with headphones, you’ll be able to fully immerse yourself in the river in complete 3-D surround sound. Link to binaural recording techniques.

Duration: 64 minutes 41 seconds.
Size: 88.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ah, mankind’s greatest invention.

You love this sound. Love it like you love bacon, a deep, personal love that makes your bones feel good inside.

The soothing hum of the air conditioner – a sound I’m sure you’re familiar with – reminds you of those gentle summer nights when you drifted off to sleep to this subtle drone of pure awesome.

Duration: 65 minutes 15 seconds.
Size: 89.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I know what you are thinking.

I bet you are thinking, “Where are people’s air conditioners? Why is there not a site that lets me keep track of their air conditioners online so that I always know where the nearest one is????”

And the answer is because I don’t have any venture capital.

Duration: 64 minutes 47 seconds.
Size: 88.9 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I have never been more enamored by a country quite like Sri Lanka. As ubiquitous as poverty is, right alongside the high infant mortality rates, these people are albeit proud, educated, genuinely hospitable, and spiritual.

For example, my guide Carlu had an advanced collegiate degree, could speak several languages fluently, knew almost every single plant and animal by both their Latin and common names including hilarious scientific anecdotes, but most importantly he was remarkably at ease and eager to discuss the meaning of life for hours on end during the lazy evening hours.

Even though he was in his sixties, he was tireless. One morning he forgot to arrange for my brunch to be packed up for the field, so without comment we promptly stopped at a small communal village so that he could buy me a meal (equivalent to several days’ worth of wages). I irrevocably pried the truth out of him and he confessed that he’d rather labor for days than to have me skip a brunch because he was forgetful. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and squeezed his testicles.

Carlu is just one of the many reasons that Arthur C. Clarke (author of 2001: A Space Odyssey, R.I.P March 19, 2008) lived here, which introduces how I had come to visit Sri Lanka in the first place.

A good childhood friend of mine had just returned from Sri Lanka on a business trip, and she suggested that I travel to the island country to record some of the environment because the denizens are so spiritually uplifting. Though despite the dense population, she assured me that it was also a quiet place, relatively free of noise pollution in the rural areas. The biosphere reserves are very well respected and preserved which to my favor complemented generously my existing library of environmental ambience and wildlife recordings.

She also suggested that I write to Sir Clarke, “You needn’t an address for a badass motherfucker like Arthur C. Clarke, just use Colombo, Sri Lanka, and it’ll get to him.” Oy, could there really be such a place left in this world? I wrote the correspondence letter that same day. Three weeks later, I received a hand written letter in my mailbox from Mr. Clarke graciously referring me to several scholars and experts on nature and Carlu was one of them.

Carlu took me to the Kanneliya Forest, Hurulu Reserve, Horton Plains, and Kalutara Beach, and all four places produced environmental ambience recordings of sexcellent quality.

Sleepy Beach Waves takes place on the secluded Kalutara Beach, which is a long, narrow strip of land of situated 38 kilometers south of Mr. Clarke’s house and rests between the waters of the Laccadive Sea and a wider inlet of water to the east.

The weather and tide conditions were nothing short of perfect that evening — a crème de la crème of widely spaced waves sweeping singularly and sensuously across the smooth, moist, shimmering sand. The lush ebb and flow of waves — both distant and near — gently caress the shore as they break and recede, leaving a light hissing symphonic trail of sound as the surf ever so softly sizzles itself in.

There was no wind at all, which was pretty rare for an open beach — so I removed the microphone windscreens to allow every creamy little detail to be recorded. At the conclusion of this hour long field recording session I snapped up this photo.

Relaxing beach ambience at its best - without the seagulls, without the swimmers, without the sailors. No birds, no animals, no people, no music. No looping or layering effects were used. This is one full hour of pure, unadulterated, wholesome beach waves — both distant and near — lapping against the sun-kissed sandy shores of the Kalutara on a sleepy September sunset twilight.

This soundscape captures the most primal essence of stranded seaside serenity and solitude in 360-degree binaural surround sound. Ah… so peaceful here. Yet there’s fighting going on somewhere at this very minute. Put on a pair of stereo headphones and dare to cast yourself away.

Duration: 65 minutes 37 seconds.
Size: 90.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Far beyond the hectic concrete jungle of modern life there exists a parallel reality, an undiscovered world where you can still see and hear things in their purest and most innocent forms.

This field recording situated at the end of a cavern is as primal as it gets. Listen and swathe yourself in melancholy as you experience a private world perhaps as old as human consciousness itself where the most primeval origin and essence of human personal security remains preserved.

Chill out and relax to the low, slow, halcyon breaths of the Atlantic as they resonate, naturally lulled and muffled, into the hollow undulating tunnel walls of nature’s own reverberator — the deep claustral interior of a secluded beachfront cavern I found off the coast of Lydstep Beach.

The cavern is shaped like the human ear canal which collects sounds naturally — the sound of the tide sweeping against the granite walls of the cavern all amalgamate and bounce towards the center where my mikes are carefully positioned.

A deep, smooth, dark ambient texture of prenatal, primordial memories… where the only porn that existed in our time was no more grandiose than horribly malproportioned phalluses on the walls of such most humble abodes.

Duration: 65 minutes 05 seconds.
Size: 89.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I had the pleasure of commissioning this sexy exciting soundscape for a huge client over the summer of 2005, though I won’t say who.

The goal was to sculpt a complex background ambience reminiscent of a sci-fi-ish stasis or cryogenic chamber where the inert minds of its subjects naturally retreat into a private world of infinite tranquility, where the experience and concept of Time itself is distorted ever so subtly.

Although there is not a single trace of conscious activity in the brains of its sleepers, it appears as though the Experience itself never ceases, creating atemporal bubbles of memories of transcendental calm the moment the subject awakes.

It may be very well possible that the hypnoencephalic chemicals used in the cryonic process alter the outer cortex of the brain in such a way that is not yet exactly understood, however, scientists believe that cryostatic hibernation is a perfectly safe means of interstellar travel.

Zzzzzzzzzzz…

Duration: 64 minutes 10 seconds.
Size: 88.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Nothin’ but Rain features the sound of nothin’ but (and that’s a really big but) rain - pure, peaceful, refreshing rain.

Rain for rest and recovery, relaxation, concentrating while working, and washing away all stress and tensions.

Rain that makes you wanna wrap up all nice ‘n cozy in your favorite soft blankie to lull you off into dreamland.

Rain so good it makes you wanna slap yo’ momma.

And I don’t mean the stupid looped rain found on the generic spa sounds CD that farts in your ears every 20 seconds.

When I say nothin’ but rain, what I verily profess is a rich cleansing stereo binaural field recording of all the natural ebbs and flows, intensities, gradations and rhythms, and all the subtly variating nuances and acoustic intricacies of a luscious hour-long countryside rain spell on a lazy autumn September evening — with no thunder, no birds, no insects, no animals, no man-made noises, no music and no looped farts that would act to occupy or engage your attention.

This is a 360-degree binaural field recording. When you listen with headphones, you’ll be able to fully immerse yourself in the rainshower in complete 3-D surround sound. Link to binaural recording techniques.

Give it a listen and if it doesn’t help you sleep or concentrate any better than before, e-mail me and I’ll gladly refund or replace your purchase.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? fo’ drizzle

Duration: 65 minutes 47 seconds.
Size: 90.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ever notice how the soothing ambience of the A/C hum in public restrooms mitigates the pain of having gas, bloating and diarrhea?

And whenever I finally find an empty public restroom for a dump so massive that it requires complete solitude for the deposit… someone walks in.

Just as I’m about to ‘release the beast’, someone enters the bathroom causing my sphincter to snap shut!

In this MP3 it’s just you and the constant, completely soothing hum of the A/C and its resonance off the polished walls of an empty, dimly lit washroom at 3 AM. No people, no plumbing noise, no tomfoolery.

Dump this MP3 onto your MP3 player and carry it along whenever you’re having the trots.

Duration: 62 minutes 59 seconds.
Size: 86.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

You’re in stasis inside a space pod floating adrift the cold, vast, empty equanimity that is outer-outer space…

The low, bassy rumble heard inside the space pod as its rocket engine propulsion system is running, combined with the sounds of the heating and cooling systems onboard, creates a complex and soothing aural atmosphere that conveys warmth, comfort, and utter, complete solitude - not a cradle of civilization exists here.

Very deep and spacey and soothing, and best heard through stereo headphones with good bass response.
What’s going on back on earth? Who knows

Vrummmmmmmmm……

Duration: 64 minutes 43 seconds.
Size: 88.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Oy, when I’m not trying to get myself killed foleying production sound effects for my clients, I can oft be found out and about in the wilderness right alongside mother nature trying to get myself killed capturing some of the most enchanting textures of ambient sound she has to peddle (in the currency of batteries, time, and potential rape from a sasquatch).

It’s early spring and this secluded Haliburton wilderness river is filling its streambed with fresh volumes of spirited, sparkling meltwater. The bright, radiant reflection of watery frequencies off the crystalline snow-breaded banks, coupled with the extra revitalizing flow of spring snowmelt, creates a special seasonal sound of exceptional vibrant sonic clarity.

Several unique properties give this field recording a special, scrumptious aura. The location I recorded it from was unique in that I had found a large two-yard wide, relatively flat-surfaced rock that was almost exactly centered in the riverbed where I set up my mikes and baffle. The river splits and flows past both sides of the rock and reintertwines right from behind. Water is also bubbling its own nuances from underneath this useful instrumental rock.

The headphone-clad listener will be facing upstream as a full 360-degree binaural panorama of surround sound water swishes and bubbles past omni-directionally to either side and behind. As lower-pitched kerplunks and soft percussive notes of water emanate from below, eddies swirl sensuously to either side, and a thousand spherical points of sound drift across the riverbed. Cedar and pine trees alternate with oak and maple among the surrounding flora.

A minimalist field recording, Wilderness River has no birds, no animals, no wind, no insects, no man-made sounds, and no sasquatches that’d act to occupy or engage your attention — only the constant, continuous stress-busting sound of gentle, soothing, streaming water. Take off your pants and listen with headphones for a magical journey which you will not soon forget.

Duration: 66 minutes 51 seconds.
Size: 91.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Washington

Vatican

Moscow

Bathysphere

Duration: 62 minutes 50 seconds.
Size: 86.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Deep and bassy is how you like it. With increased low frequencies and decreased higher, this MP3 creates a sexcellent warm atmosphere for aid in dozing off.

Duration: 63 minutes 27 seconds.
Size: 87.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Subtly supplemented with ultra-soothing, digitally mastered broadband brownian noise for an added effect of absoluZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Duration: 62 minutes 39 seconds.
Size: 86.0 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Recorded on a quiet misty summer night, light rain dribbles upon a small moonlit bank while a deep mesmerizing concert of gentle chirping night crickets peep and whistle along with a backdrop harmony of other night time insects. You can hear the occasional fall of dewdrops from the leaves.

I have supplemented this with a steady stream of soothing white noise. Designed to provide the nostalgic auditory summer stimulus that winter and urban living lacks, this’ll help you find your organic sense of grounding that you usually seem to lose during the winter months.

The elements of rhythm are complimented by a natural randomness factor that is relaxing, soothing, and pleasantly refreshing. These combinations of sound best stimulate one’s auditory sense, while the absence of bass frequencies leaves the attention unperturbed. These unique characteristics make this MP3 an aid for meditation, relief for depression and stress, and a natural drug-free gadget for insomniacs.

This passes beyond the realms of awesome into dimensions of quantum hyperliquidawesome not yet charted by humankind that if you were able to grasp the mere concept of it its awesomeness would simultaneously explode both your bladder and brain.

NyQuil in the form of audio.

Listen to this while driving and you’ll die.

Duration: 63 minutes 45 seconds.
Size: 87.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Prospectively killing myself is awesome — I recorded this last June of 2007 right on the edge of the rocks (a truly catalytic experience) at the great Dettifoss. The Dettifoss Waterfall is located in north-eastern Iceland, situated on the Jökulsá á Fjöllum river which flows from the Vatnajökull glacier and collects water from a large area in north-east Iceland.

At 328 feet wide (100 meters) and a drop of 144 feet (44 meters) down to the Jökulsárgljúfur canyon, Dettifoss is reputed to be the largest, most powerful waterfall in Europe — having a flow estimated at between 200 and 500 cubic metres of water per second.

I really like that there are no barriers or railings (at least not yet) except common sense and your own sure-footing. I could’ve been bitch-kicked down into that storming abyss of water by some completely random Spartan fatty out of the blue.

Pronouncing some of those names is like climbing Mount Everest.

Duration: 63 minutes 05 seconds.
Size: 86.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I’m strolling through the woods, sunlight filtering down through the verdant canopy above, my feet rustling through several inches of yesteryear’s cast off leaves. At first, I notice a seemingly special ambience to the area without being able to put a finger on exactly what has changed.

Then, as I continue hiking about, I recognize in the distance the faint familiar sound of running water. I detour towards the source of sound and start to explore. Suddenly — arriving at a small narrow valley, a neat little brook rambling about a bed of rocks unfolds before my eyes as melodic gurgles of sparkling awesome greet me in welcome.

A constant mesmerizing chorus of babbling bubbles, gurgles, eddies, and subtly sputtering splashes, the sound produced is nothing short of magical - calming yet reinvigorating.

My special thanks and gratitude goes out to Kevin Flannery. He’s the landowner of this awesome brook and graciously gave me the permission to record it. Create an inner sense of peace with something that isn’t looped!

Duration: 63 minutes 43 seconds.
Size: 87.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

The complete aural equivalent of watching clouds.

Strong, chill breezes of the utmost delicious zephyrs stir through and caress the densely congregated treetops of towering pines, cedars, oaks, fir, and maple. Natural ebbs and flows of dynamic, circular sounds are created. The air is fresh, alive, and vibrant with a brisk zest of its own that you can smell right through your headphones.

Pristine omni-directional birdcalls echoing back and forth create an ever gentle reverie of peaceful, soothing, calming sound to aid you with those long trains of thought that just warrant for deep, meditative contemplation and painstaking mental effort.

Mountain Valley Breezes is a form of natural white noise, the sound of serenity. As the leaves rustle and dance and the branches billow, we are reminded of the leisurely days of summer warmth and relaxation, beneath blue skies of meandering fluffy white clouds.

Put on a pair of sound-isolating headphones or earphones and try listening to this while you’re reading or programming. If it sucks, e-mail me and I’ll gladly refund or replace your purchase.

Duration: 64 minutes 03 seconds.
Size: 87.9 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Babbling Creek was digitally recorded using my binaural recording technique on a calm, cool, summer afternoon at Sinclair Creek in Kootenay National Forest. It’s late summer and deep down in a valley that sports some of the most exquisite western red cedars of the entire fat earth, the sun is barely peeking through the trees. The sound of rushing water here against the rocks and valley walls is all but phenomenal.

I have to step and hop from rock to rock to carefully position my microphone baffle in the middle of where there is a water drop of about 1 foot (0.3 meters) as the creek then finds four paths to arrive at a small 4 foot (1.21 meters) wide pool. There it pauses a bit as if to gather itself together to flow further into a larger rocky pond. The natural, musical sound of playful little pitches is of both peace and seclusion.

Ever wanted to blog about that hot makeout session you had with your girlfriend/boyfriend/horse but couldn’t because you’d always find yourself interrupted by the sound of your roommate pounding his fat greasy man fingers on that fat salsa-encrusted video game controller of his?

Duration: 63 minutes 45 seconds.
Size: 87.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I personally prefer the sound of an air conditioner, though back then when I was in university I had to babysit a toddler, about nine or ten months of age, for a friend.

The little bugger wouldn’t quit squawking and was upset that mum had gone out to work. I tried to calm him down and even offered some strawberry-flavored yogurt but he just threw it at my face. Ow.

I had a lot of homework to do and a major math exam to take the next day so I didn’t have much of a choice but to turn on the vacuum cleaner to drown out his yapping.

As luck would have it, after about ten minutes I looked over my shoulder to check up on him and before I knew it he was on the couch sound asleep… humbly drooling over his plush polar bear.

Fart.

I’ve also heard success stories over the years from friends and moms lulling their babies to sleep by turning on the vacuum cleaner. Thus I’ve recorded this as an alternative to burning out your vacuum cleaner’s motor. The model is a progressive upright Kenmore.

Because vacuum cleaners are so boisterously high-pitched, personal preference and past empirical conditioning (some parents use them to get their children out of bed in the mornings) are large determining factors in their effectiveness as a source of white noise sleep aid.

Some people hate it, some people love it. Give it a try and if it doesn’t work for your little munchkin, hit me up with an e-mail if you’d like to try something else.

Duration: 65 minutes 34 seconds.
Size: 90.0 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

To the esteemed space traveler:

May you find the sleeping quarters of this Iteron Mark IV I.S.S. MF-4360BACONAUT Intergalactic Starcruiser to be fair and satisfactory.

Duration: 66 minutes 29 seconds.
Size: 91.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Duration: 65 minutes 31 seconds.
Size: 89.9 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

A most fortuitous acoustic happenstance as it may be, this fabulous chance recording was chronicled right on the spur of pure tragedy — I honestly had not foreseen recording this ginormously huge sumbitch on the steps of my friend’s porch during the series of severe storms on the dreaded afternoon of August 19th, 2005.

Honestly. I mean, we were discussing politics and homemade chicken pot pie in the dining room while having homemade chicken pot pie. We certainly weren’t discussing torrential rainstorms the size of Angelina Jolie’s upper lip.

That’s why you carry your portable field recording gear with you wherever you go no matter what, homeslice.

Having been armed with a matched stereo pair of DPA 4060-BMs clipped onto my hoodie (touching each ear for quasi-binaural imaging), a PA-24NJ battery mic preamp, and a Sony PCM-M1 DAT, I captured the complete sonic birth, materialization, and early incursion of a supercell storm.

The Toronto Supercell storm struck at 12:30pm as part of the Southern Ontario Tornado Outbreak of 2005, which later spawned two F2 strength tornadoes, produced winds of well over 100km/h, golf ball sized hail, extensively flooded more than half of the Greater Toronto Area, and completely laid to waste Finch Avenue near Sentinel Road in North York with damages in excess of $10 million CAD. Swords will fucking cut you wide open.

Everyone was inside their homes being fat except for me. The winds were galvanizing — had I used my tripod or HRTF baffle to record this, my gear would’ve easily been swept away as supercell fodder in one succinct blast of wind - thus I had to sit and meditate on my butt for an hour.

I belched once, but I’ve edited that out. Thanks, homemade chicken pot pie.

Duration: 65 minutes 7 seconds.
Size: 89.4 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.