White Noise MP3s.com

A sad and terrible realization:

My entire life, such as it is, can indeed fit inside a Dassault Falcon 900.

Duration: 64 minutes 27 seconds.
Size: 88.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ah, mankind’s greatest invention.

You love this sound. Love it like you love bacon, a deep, personal love that makes your bones feel good inside.

The soothing hum of the air conditioner – a sound I’m sure you’re familiar with – reminds you of those gentle summer nights when you drifted off to sleep to this subtle drone of pure awesome.

Duration: 65 minutes 15 seconds.
Size: 89.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I know what you are thinking.

I bet you are thinking, “Where are people’s air conditioners? Why is there not a site that lets me keep track of their air conditioners online so that I always know where the nearest one is????”

And the answer is because I don’t have any venture capital.

Duration: 64 minutes 47 seconds.
Size: 88.9 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I have never been more enamored by a country quite like Sri Lanka. As ubiquitous as poverty is, right alongside the high infant mortality rates, these people are albeit proud, educated, genuinely hospitable, and spiritual.

For example, my guide Carlu had an advanced collegiate degree, could speak several languages fluently, knew almost every single plant and animal by both their Latin and common names including hilarious scientific anecdotes, but most importantly he was remarkably at ease and eager to discuss the meaning of life for hours on end during the lazy evening hours.

Even though he was in his sixties, he was tireless. One morning he forgot to arrange for my brunch to be packed up for the field, so without comment we promptly stopped at a small communal village so that he could buy me a meal (equivalent to several days’ worth of wages). I irrevocably pried the truth out of him and he confessed that he’d rather labor for days than to have me skip a brunch because he was forgetful. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and squeezed his testicles.

Carlu is just one of the many reasons that Arthur C. Clarke (author of 2001: A Space Odyssey, R.I.P March 19, 2008) lived here, which introduces how I had come to visit Sri Lanka in the first place.

A good childhood friend of mine had just returned from Sri Lanka on a business trip, and she suggested that I travel to the island country to record some of the environment because the denizens are so spiritually uplifting. Though despite the dense population, she assured me that it was also a quiet place, relatively free of noise pollution in the rural areas. The biosphere reserves are very well respected and preserved which to my favor complemented generously my existing library of environmental ambience and wildlife recordings.

She also suggested that I write to Sir Clarke, “You needn’t an address for a badass motherfucker like Arthur C. Clarke, just use Colombo, Sri Lanka, and it’ll get to him.” Oy, could there really be such a place left in this world? I wrote the correspondence letter that same day. Three weeks later, I received a hand written letter in my mailbox from Mr. Clarke graciously referring me to several scholars and experts on nature and Carlu was one of them.

Carlu took me to the Kanneliya Forest, Hurulu Reserve, Horton Plains, and Kalutara Beach, and all four places produced environmental ambience recordings of sexcellent quality.

Sleepy Beach Waves takes place on the secluded Kalutara Beach, which is a long, narrow strip of land of situated 38 kilometers south of Mr. Clarke’s house and rests between the waters of the Laccadive Sea and a wider inlet of water to the east.

The weather and tide conditions were nothing short of perfect that evening — a crème de la crème of widely spaced waves sweeping singularly and sensuously across the smooth, moist, shimmering sand. The lush ebb and flow of waves — both distant and near — gently caress the shore as they break and recede, leaving a light hissing symphonic trail of sound as the surf ever so softly sizzles itself in.

There was no wind at all, which was pretty rare for an open beach — so I removed the microphone windscreens to allow every creamy little detail to be recorded. At the conclusion of this hour long field recording session I snapped up this photo.

Relaxing beach ambience at its best - without the seagulls, without the swimmers, without the sailors. No birds, no animals, no people, no music. No looping or layering effects were used. This is one full hour of pure, unadulterated, wholesome beach waves — both distant and near — lapping against the sun-kissed sandy shores of the Kalutara on a sleepy September sunset twilight.

This soundscape captures the most primal essence of stranded seaside serenity and solitude in 360-degree binaural surround sound. Ah… so peaceful here. Yet there’s fighting going on somewhere at this very minute. Put on a pair of stereo headphones and dare to cast yourself away.

Duration: 65 minutes 37 seconds.
Size: 90.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Far beyond the hectic concrete jungle of modern life there exists a parallel reality, an undiscovered world where you can still see and hear things in their purest and most innocent forms.

This field recording situated at the end of a cavern is as primal as it gets. Listen and swathe yourself in melancholy as you experience a private world perhaps as old as human consciousness itself where the most primeval origin and essence of human personal security remains preserved.

Chill out and relax to the low, slow, halcyon breaths of the Atlantic as they resonate, naturally lulled and muffled, into the hollow undulating tunnel walls of nature’s own reverberator — the deep claustral interior of a secluded beachfront cavern I found off the coast of Lydstep Beach.

The cavern is shaped like the human ear canal which collects sounds naturally — the sound of the tide sweeping against the granite walls of the cavern all amalgamate and bounce towards the center where my mikes are carefully positioned.

A deep, smooth, dark ambient texture of prenatal, primordial memories… where the only porn that existed in our time was no more grandiose than horribly malproportioned phalluses on the walls of such most humble abodes.

Duration: 65 minutes 05 seconds.
Size: 89.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I had the pleasure of commissioning this sexy exciting soundscape for a huge client over the summer of 2005, though I won’t say who.

The goal was to sculpt a complex background ambience reminiscent of a sci-fi-ish stasis or cryogenic chamber where the inert minds of its subjects naturally retreat into a private world of infinite tranquility, where the experience and concept of Time itself is distorted ever so subtly.

Although there is not a single trace of conscious activity in the brains of its sleepers, it appears as though the Experience itself never ceases, creating atemporal bubbles of memories of transcendental calm the moment the subject awakes.

It may be very well possible that the hypnoencephalic chemicals used in the cryonic process alter the outer cortex of the brain in such a way that is not yet exactly understood, however, scientists believe that cryostatic hibernation is a perfectly safe means of interstellar travel.

Zzzzzzzzzzz…

Duration: 64 minutes 10 seconds.
Size: 88.1 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Ever notice how the soothing ambience of the A/C hum in public restrooms mitigates the pain of having gas, bloating and diarrhea?

And whenever I finally find an empty public restroom for a dump so massive that it requires complete solitude for the deposit… someone walks in.

Just as I’m about to ‘release the beast’, someone enters the bathroom causing my sphincter to snap shut!

In this MP3 it’s just you and the constant, completely soothing hum of the A/C and its resonance off the polished walls of an empty, dimly lit washroom at 3 AM. No people, no plumbing noise, no tomfoolery.

Dump this MP3 onto your MP3 player and carry it along whenever you’re having the trots.

Duration: 62 minutes 59 seconds.
Size: 86.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

You’re in stasis inside a space pod floating adrift the cold, vast, empty equanimity that is outer-outer space…

The low, bassy rumble heard inside the space pod as its rocket engine propulsion system is running, combined with the sounds of the heating and cooling systems onboard, creates a complex and soothing aural atmosphere that conveys warmth, comfort, and utter, complete solitude - not a cradle of civilization exists here.

Very deep and spacey and soothing, and best heard through stereo headphones with good bass response.
What’s going on back on earth? Who knows

Vrummmmmmmmm……

Duration: 64 minutes 43 seconds.
Size: 88.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Oy, when I’m not trying to get myself killed foleying production sound effects for my clients, I can oft be found out and about in the wilderness right alongside mother nature trying to get myself killed capturing some of the most enchanting textures of ambient sound she has to peddle (in the currency of batteries, time, and potential rape from a sasquatch).

It’s early spring and this secluded Haliburton wilderness river is filling its streambed with fresh volumes of spirited, sparkling meltwater. The bright, radiant reflection of watery frequencies off the crystalline snow-breaded banks, coupled with the extra revitalizing flow of spring snowmelt, creates a special seasonal sound of exceptional vibrant sonic clarity.

Several unique properties give this field recording a special, scrumptious aura. The location I recorded it from was unique in that I had found a large two-yard wide, relatively flat-surfaced rock that was almost exactly centered in the riverbed where I set up my mikes and baffle. The river splits and flows past both sides of the rock and reintertwines right from behind. Water is also bubbling its own nuances from underneath this useful instrumental rock.

The headphone-clad listener will be facing upstream as a full 360-degree binaural panorama of surround sound water swishes and bubbles past omni-directionally to either side and behind. As lower-pitched kerplunks and soft percussive notes of water emanate from below, eddies swirl sensuously to either side, and a thousand spherical points of sound drift across the riverbed. Cedar and pine trees alternate with oak and maple among the surrounding flora.

A minimalist field recording, Wilderness River has no birds, no animals, no wind, no insects, no man-made sounds, and no sasquatches that’d act to occupy or engage your attention — only the constant, continuous stress-busting sound of gentle, soothing, streaming water. Take off your pants and listen with headphones for a magical journey which you will not soon forget.

Duration: 66 minutes 51 seconds.
Size: 91.8 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Washington

Vatican

Moscow

Bathysphere

Duration: 62 minutes 50 seconds.
Size: 86.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Subtly supplemented with ultra-soothing, digitally mastered broadband brownian noise for an added effect of absoluZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Duration: 62 minutes 39 seconds.
Size: 86.0 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I’m strolling through the woods, sunlight filtering down through the verdant canopy above, my feet rustling through several inches of yesteryear’s cast off leaves. At first, I notice a seemingly special ambience to the area without being able to put a finger on exactly what has changed.

Then, as I continue hiking about, I recognize in the distance the faint familiar sound of running water. I detour towards the source of sound and start to explore. Suddenly — arriving at a small narrow valley, a neat little brook rambling about a bed of rocks unfolds before my eyes as melodic gurgles of sparkling awesome greet me in welcome.

A constant mesmerizing chorus of babbling bubbles, gurgles, eddies, and subtly sputtering splashes, the sound produced is nothing short of magical - calming yet reinvigorating.

My special thanks and gratitude goes out to Kevin Flannery. He’s the landowner of this awesome brook and graciously gave me the permission to record it. Create an inner sense of peace with something that isn’t looped!

Duration: 63 minutes 43 seconds.
Size: 87.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Babbling Creek was digitally recorded using my binaural recording technique on a calm, cool, summer afternoon at Sinclair Creek in Kootenay National Forest. It’s late summer and deep down in a valley that sports some of the most exquisite western red cedars of the entire fat earth, the sun is barely peeking through the trees. The sound of rushing water here against the rocks and valley walls is all but phenomenal.

I have to step and hop from rock to rock to carefully position my microphone baffle in the middle of where there is a water drop of about 1 foot (0.3 meters) as the creek then finds four paths to arrive at a small 4 foot (1.21 meters) wide pool. There it pauses a bit as if to gather itself together to flow further into a larger rocky pond. The natural, musical sound of playful little pitches is of both peace and seclusion.

Ever wanted to blog about that hot makeout session you had with your girlfriend/boyfriend/horse but couldn’t because you’d always find yourself interrupted by the sound of your roommate pounding his fat greasy man fingers on that fat salsa-encrusted video game controller of his?

Duration: 63 minutes 45 seconds.
Size: 87.5 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

I personally prefer the sound of an air conditioner, though back then when I was in university I had to babysit a toddler, about nine or ten months of age, for a friend.

The little bugger wouldn’t quit squawking and was upset that mum had gone out to work. I tried to calm him down and even offered some strawberry-flavored yogurt but he just threw it at my face. Ow.

I had a lot of homework to do and a major math exam to take the next day so I didn’t have much of a choice but to turn on the vacuum cleaner to drown out his yapping.

As luck would have it, after about ten minutes I looked over my shoulder to check up on him and before I knew it he was on the couch sound asleep… humbly drooling over his plush polar bear.

Fart.

I’ve also heard success stories over the years from friends and moms lulling their babies to sleep by turning on the vacuum cleaner. Thus I’ve recorded this as an alternative to burning out your vacuum cleaner’s motor. The model is a progressive upright Kenmore.

Because vacuum cleaners are so boisterously high-pitched, personal preference and past empirical conditioning (some parents use them to get their children out of bed in the mornings) are large determining factors in their effectiveness as a source of white noise sleep aid.

Some people hate it, some people love it. Give it a try and if it doesn’t work for your little munchkin, hit me up with an e-mail if you’d like to try something else.

Duration: 65 minutes 34 seconds.
Size: 90.0 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

To the esteemed space traveler:

May you find the sleeping quarters of this Iteron Mark IV I.S.S. MF-4360BACONAUT Intergalactic Starcruiser to be fair and satisfactory.

Duration: 66 minutes 29 seconds.
Size: 91.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

For those of us that like our air conditioners with a little flavor:

Hint of Rattle™.

Delicious. Shake well before serving.

Duration: 63 minutes 34 seconds.
Size: 87.3 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Chilling in a cave with a waterfall that’s right outside as innocent little water droplets in your vicinity drip, dribble and splash, listening to this makes you feel immersed, protected… and thirsty.

Mmm… water.

Duration: 62 minutes 13 seconds.
Size: 85.4 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

Market Price: $1061.90    Our Low Price: $9.99

Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom…

Duration: 63 minutes 50 seconds.
Size: 87.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

When a gas furnace in a home is running, it produces a fantastical, warm, and comforting, low rumbling drone that could knock you right out into a nappy catnap. It’s just an awesome sound.

There are a few nuisances however — the thing is, if you wanna hear it right at the climax of your siesta, the reassuring hum is probably way too quiet to hear from your bedroom (assuming you have one, of course). And if you do have a furnace, it only runs in 5-10 minute intermittent spurts.

Fret no more, furnace lovers — this MP3 is a continuous 65 minutes of fat juicy furnace goodness. No overheating, no gargantuan gas bill!

Duration: 65 minutes 34 seconds.
Size: 90.0 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.

You see… I have this great joke.

An air conditioner walks into a bar and………

um…

it…

uh…

bah! I forgot…

Oh well, let box fans be box fans.

Duration: 64 minutes 33 seconds.
Size: 88.6 MB.
Bitrate encoded at 192 kbps for finest audio reproduction.